Hayom Yom: Menachem Av 3

“From my father’s sichot: When Mashiach will come (speedily in our time, amein), then we shall really long for the days of the exile. Then we will truly feel distress at our having neglected working at avoda; then will we indeed feel the deep pain caused by our lack of avoda. These days of exile are the days of avoda, to prepare ourselves for the coming of Mashiach, speedily in our time, amein.” – The Rebbe

You greeted me the moment I was born, you never failed to find me. You tagged along on lonely days and times of distress. You made me a man and showed me who I am, and what I can do. Every time you came forward I met you with pride, and every time, departed with humility. Success never came without you, you brought me opportunities to grow and taught me appreciation.

But, you betrayed me. You blackmailed me, you lied to me, you seduced me and targeted my weak points. You cornered me at my lowest moments, and polluted my mind; you picked at my heart with no mercy or relent. You tied me down and brought me shame.

You wore a crown of impulse and robes of procrastination, your words spoke of pleasure, while your actions reeked of depression. You were the master of manipulation, “…just one more time,” you’d tell me, “it won’t make a difference.”

And now, you’re gone; your very existence having brought on your own destruction.

Dear beautiful struggle, I miss you. You were mysterious and unwanted, but in the end, always appreciated. When I lost to you, I hated you, but when I won, I loved you.

If only I’d have taken the chance while you stood boldly in front of me, but I dared to run away– and now you’re gone. This time it’s too late, you flew away with my free choice clasped tightly in your hands… never to return.

It’s over. Those battles I didn’t fight, will never rise again.

If only I have one more chance. If only I have just one more struggle. If only I have one more challenge to overcome, and one more imperfection to perfect.

Goodbye dear Struggle,
I miss you.

Sincerely,

My future self.